twentysomething

Title: Do It Better Than Anybody

Fandom: NHL RPS

Pairing: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews

Summary: "And Johnny is just lounging over Patrick's breakfast counter, looking like something a Pay-Per-View channel devoted to farm-bred Canadian ass would spit up, his gray, threadbare sweatpants doing nothing to prevent Patrick from staring at his stupidly perfect everything. It's unsporting to give Patrick a semi in his own kitchen just by existing."

Length: 2900 wordsish

Warnings: basically just boning what do you want from me

Notes: So I was in a tizzy in the middle of the night and asleepunderpurpleskies talked me down and also into this. With love for The Hoyden who beta'd this like she checks me on all things <3 and for MK who gave me a six-s yes over this. Recommended listening: Kanye West's Power on loop. NO ONE MAN SHOULD HAVE ALL THAT POWER


( There's no way Johnny isn't doing this on purpose. )

Title: Write Our Names On the Wall

Fandom: NHL RPS

Pairing: Always-a-girl!Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews

Summary: ""What are you saying?" Johnny says slowly, because this sounds like she's trying to pick him up, which is impossible, because if Kaner has one concrete rule, it's ‘anyone but teammates.’

"We can help each other out here," Kaner suggests, crossing her legs in her too-short skirt. "That's all. Two friends helping each other out in a dry spell. You're free to do whatever. It wouldn't be a big deal.""

Length: 16,000 wordsish

Warnings: genderbend all day erry day also this is like 95% porn. 96%.

Notes: This was inevitable. I can't stop myself. Props and love to The Hoyden, who pushed me along and beta'd this fabulously. There were like, eight terrible, lazy jokes she made me cut and you should thank her. Also love to asleepunderpurpleskies, who, like me, totally imagines Kaner as Ke$ha, every halloween, fighting the idea that leotards aren't pants. Love to Moonklutz, who most importantly informed me that scurvy is actually apparently still a thing, for real. <3

If you needed a soundtrack to read this to, please use any song from Justin Timberlake's FutureSex/LoveSounds or anything Ke$ha ever but most importantly, "C'mon." In fact, just go download "C'mon" now.


( She's just Johnny's type- something a little reserved and secretive about her smile, neat and professional looking, perfectly styled brown hair- probably does something with the word analyst in her job title. )

Strange Visitor From Another Planet!

Fandom: NHL RPS

Pairing: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews

Summary: "Stopping bullets with your chest isn't hard, but it ain't easy."

Length: 4k (finally, a short one, jesus)

Warnings: oh god, as rageprufrock put it, "...how is it both hockey AU AND hockey rpldsfkjsdf"

Notes: So, basically I was like, "Ugh, thehoyden where is my fic where Super Kaner is really Superman and Tazer is the BITCHIEST Lois Lane?" and she was like, "LOLOLOLOL SUCKER" and then I wrote it. And moonklutz bullied me through it in the most loving of ways. I would like to qualify that this is like... TV/movie news accurate. I asked Pru to stop me from shaming myself and after she laughed and was like, "TOO LATE." she made me caveat it this way. Yeah, idk either, guys.


( Patrick Kane would be a fucking awesome journalist if he wasn't Superman. )