twentysomething

Title: Single Handed, Took Me Alive

Fandom: Hawaii Five-0

Pairing: Steve/Alwaysagirl!Danni

Summary: "Chin had insisted on post-meth-lab-bust drinks and then promptly split with their hot waitress as soon as her shift was over and Kono had "gone to the bathroom" five rounds and three shots ago. Which leaves her and Steve and Danni's terrible urge to nail her boss."

Length: 3500 wordsish.

Warnings: Terrible jokes about domestic abuse and lots of the sex.

Notes: So, leupagus and I watch this show about Hawaii and manpain and how precious Scott Caan is and she tricked me into writing this thing and then we tricked so many other people into it too, and no ladylike entree into a fandom is complete for me without writing gender-bending, apparently, so. This is mostly a distraction from the equally terrible fic I am writing where Gracie wants her dad to move in with Steve. (Mostly because Danny's apartment is a shithole.)



Danni doesn't like to say she trades on her looks. That's not really fair to her right hook.

But the point is that she's used to a certain amount of leeway with men- and the right women- because, objectively, she's a stone cold fox. And while orange skin and Amy Winehouse caliber hair might be in around Jersey now, Danni's in Hawaii and it's not like blonde hair and blue eyes are going out of style in a hurry. Might not be right, but eh, in that case, she doesn't really want to be wrong, either.

It's actually useful most of the time, except when she has to throw rock, paper, scissors with Kono to see who's going undercover as this week's hot damsel in distress.

But right now? Yeah, now it's irritating because despite the fact that Danni's blouse is slowly losing button after button and gaining inch after inch of cleavage, Steve's face is still unwaveringly focused on her face.

Her face.

Danni doesn't think that's happened since 10th grade when she finally grew boobs that summer.

Chin had insisted on post-meth-lab-bust drinks and then promptly split with their hot waitress as soon as her shift was over and Kono had "gone to the bathroom" five rounds and three shots ago. Which leaves her and Steve and Danni's terrible urge to nail her boss.

She hasn't wanted to punch someone this consistently since she met Robert- which, in general is a bad sign, but Danni is still in denial and hoping they can spend one good, three- maybe four- day weekend screwing and get it out of her system.

She's so busy trying a) not to be so stupidly drunk and b) not to come on to her boss that she's probably going to end up doing exactly that.

"I wasn't kidding Danno, you gotta ditch the suit," Steve mumbles, loosely gesturing at Danni's rumpled white button-down and pencil skirt.

"If you want to get me out of my clothes you're going to have to buy me another drink," Danni says and holy mother of fuck, what did she just say?

Goddamn it.

Steve blinks at her twice and passes out on the table.

God fucking damn it.

And because there is no god, she goes to work the next morning with the world's most massive hangover, wondering where her fucking sainthood is for manhandling her exponentially huger than her boss home and not climbing into bed with him. She's praying to any other gods than the one that cruelly abandoned her last night that today will be quiet and full of paperwork and hiding from Steve McGarrett. She's taking her first sip of desperately needed coffee just as Steve pokes his head in the door.

"Did you offer to let me take your clothes off last night?" Steve asks neutrally and Danni's coffee ends up down her windpipe and all over her desk. Steve is still staring at her inscrutably from the doorway as she chokes to death.

"What?" Danni wheezes quickly as she scrambles for any possible way of getting out of this situation with her dignity intact. Or maybe just her job.

"No." Danni finally says vehemently. After all, he would have had to buy her another drink before that deal was on the table. Technically. Steve stares for another long moment before finally shrugging.

"Must have been that dream again. Anyway. Our meth maker from yesterday squealed on his old partner, more drugs busts, let's go." Steve says.

He's yelling at her to hurry up and grab her vest, and she's halfway out to the car when she finally asks, "...What dream?"

But maybe she hallucinated that whole conversation because Steve is in the front seat of her car, squirming and antsy because he wants to put himself in stupid amounts of danger now, like he didn't just imply he has dreams where they have sex.

Or maybe in his dreams Danni offers to take her clothes off and Steve declines and fires her.

She wouldn't put it past Steve to dream about that.

So instead of pulling the car over so they can have sweaty, cramped, blisteringly hot sex in the backseat, Danni gets shot at a bunch of times and Steve gets punched in the face by a drug dealer and the afternoon ends in icepacks and Miranda rights.

"You have got to learn to duck, brother," Chin says as Danni forcibly holds the icepack to Steve's face.

"Well, we can't all have our perps conveniently chased into our open arms by our hardworking and punched coworkers," Steve shoots back, wryly. Kono snorts.

"Seriously, you drive like a grandma, Chin. Steve and Danni always beat us to the scene." Kono teases.

"I apologize for not thinking speed limits are suggestions. Next time, I'll also tell you not to buckle your seatbelt," Chin tells her, sugar-sweet. Kono just laughs at him and high-tails it out of the station because she's young and it's Friday and she has a date because she's not tragically attracted to her partner.

Which is also good, because her partner is her cousin and that would be gross.

Chin needles Steve for a while longer about getting a black eye from the twitchiest meth dealer ever before heading out, too. And in a rising trend, Danni is left alone with Steve and her inability to shut her mouth.

"So you have dreams where I offer to take my clothes off," Danni blurts out, half-statement, half-terrible undying need to know. Steve raises an eyebrow at her and oh god, he's going to get her reassigned to Siberia and Robert is going to get full custody of Gracie and this is crap, total crap.

But Steve just says, "Will that be a problem?" like he all he did was order fucking pineapple on the pizza again and Danni is two seconds from ripping her hair out, so instead she throws the icepack across the room and kisses Steve hard on the mouth.

She's not sure what she expected to happen, but out of the approximately fourteen separate scenarios Danni cooks up, Steve tugging her off of her perch on the desk and into his lap, biting and licking his way into the dirtiest kiss Danni can conceive of, outside of porn, is the best out of them, so.

Also, kissing Steve is at least five times better than punching him, and even that had gotten her a little wet.

"Danni," Steve hisses against her lips, and Danni just sucks in a deep breath and kisses Steve again, because she is 99% certain that if they try to talk about this, they'll fuck it up and Danni won't get to ride Steve until the wheels fall off and that's just not fair.

"McGarrett, if you don't take me home and fuck me right now, I'm quitting," Danni hisses back and it's only sort of an exaggeration.

"Jesus- Christ," Steve breathes, leaning in to kiss Danni long and filthy and wet and she wants that goddamn mouth between her legs, stat.

"I'll wear jeans to the office on Monday," she promises and Steve huffs this stupid dorky laugh and lifts her back onto the desk long enough for her to get her legs under her again.

"Trying to sweeten the pot, Danno?" Steve asks, wrapping a hand around her waist, fingers spreading and splaying over her side. Danni thinks it's a cliché to get weak in the knees at a single stupid touch, but it's been a really long time since anybody really touched her.

"Steve," Danni growls and Steve smirks, but his hand shakes almost imperceptibly as he reaches for her keys.

"I'll drive," Steve offers.

And it really has been a long time since Danni's been punch-drunk with the thought of getting some and she's more than aware of the fact that probably the majority of fatal traffic accidents are born of idiots attempting roadhead, but she still runs her hand along the inseam of Steve's pants, anyway.

"If you don't stop that right now, I'm going to tie you to the bed and spank you, I swear." Steve growls at her and Danni is stupid with endorphins and the thought that she's going to break fucking Steve McGarrett's cool.

"That could be fun," she chirps, not because of some sort of weird domination kink, but to watch the way Steve's knuckles clench white around the steering wheel.

"I swear to god, I am going to beat you," Steve promises and Danni can't help but laugh because seriously, she's going to engage in the most unprofessional behavior she can manage, essentially, and it's going to be awesome. And then Steve stays on Nimitz, and Danni whips her head around.

"Where are we- why are we going to your house?" Danni demands, and Steve rolls his eyes.

"We're not going to your apartment to fuck. I'm setting your apartment on fire as soon as possible. It's a shithole." Steve says, grinning to himself. Danni scowls reflexively and crosses her arms sulkily.

"You know, the only thing that- that pouting- does is make me stare at your rack in the rearview mirror." Steve supplies cheerfully. Danni glances down and yeah, okay, sitting down, yeah. But that means-

"You've been checking me out," Danni says and she can't help it, she knows she sounds pleased and wondering, but Cyborg Steve checked her out. "You've been looking at my boobs!" Steve flicks a glance over at her, brows knit in attractive confusion.

"Danno, the only feasible reason for you to keep wearing those stupid suits is that your ass is so goddamn distracting in that skirt that I got our new surveillance system from Vice by promising that I'd loan you out to do stings as a trick." Steve's face is perfectly deadpan and Danni doesn't know where she's going to start with her ritual murder and burial of his body when Steve starts laughing. Danni glares at Steve viciously.

"God, I fucking hate you so much, McGarrett," she hisses at him and Steve just keeps laughing because Steve is a prick.

"C'mon, take the compliment, Danni." Steve teases and Danni just narrows her eyes at him.

"If your dick isn't so huge, I will- God," Danni mutters. "I don't even know." Steve just smirks. Which is so hideously unattractive and typical, a man in love with his penis, Christ, but Danni still feels a little hot under the collar.

"Don't worry about it," Steve says, spinning the wheel sharply, jack-knifing the car into the driveway.

"Was that really necessary?" Danni complains, arm belatedly braced against the car doorframe. Steve stares at her for a moment and then goes in fast, threading a hand into Danni's hair and kissing her so hard that Danni actually moans into his mouth, which- fuck, that's embarrassing.

"I'm gonna go with yeah," Steve shoots back. "And unless you want me to fuck you in the car, get the hell inside the house." Danni bites at Steve's lip, hooking her fingers into the waist of Steve's jeans.

"Next time," she purrs at him, trying to keep it flippant, but there's a flash in Steve's eyes, dark and tragically attractive to her that gets her thinking they should invest in bigger cars. She flails around, because her seatbelt is stuck on something and Steve laughs, so she snakes a hand into his lap and squeezes the- apparently truthfully- sizable weight there. Steve sputters.

"Mhmm," Danni hums, pleased with herself and life, as she gets out of the car. They stumble from the entryway- where Steve pins her up against the door to slip a thigh between hers, rucking her skirt up almost to her waist- to the hallway- where she unzips his fly and nearly gets a hand into his pants- before they finally end up in Steve's bedroom, which is as tragically devoid of personality as Danni feared.

"God, would it have killed you to decorate? A poster, anything," Danni mocks and it's actually probably good there isn't anything up on the wall because Steve slams her up against it, her legs instinctively wrapping around his waist.

"Do you ever shut up?" Steve asks incredulously, but the corner of his mouth is quirked up and Danni has gone further with less.

"You could try to make me," Danni offers. Steve grins like he grins when they start a car chase, when he gets to kick a door down and she can't help it, her heart beats a little faster. The son of a bitch conditioned her.

"That is a challenge I will accept," Steve says before he takes advantage of the fact that the wall and Danni, not Steve, are keeping Danni upright and starts unbuttoning her shirt.

Danni abruptly realizes her underwear doesn't match today and well, that figures. Danni believes in the more comfortable, mix and match side of Victoria's Secret 95% of the time, but she'd actually gotten a little drunk and ordered way too expensive sex underwear that was apparently going to have to see the light of day some other night. Sex underwear is also the sort of thing she thought she was way too secure in her own hotness for- until she'd spent months trying to figure out if Steve was interested in her- or women. Or humans.

"You're thinking too much. One, it's insulting," Steve complains, molding his hand to the side of her left breast, cupping it in his palm. "Two, it makes me distinctly nervous." Rather than try to explain, Danni just rolls her eyes and kisses Steve, which works pretty well for her.

"Now, I'm going to strip you naked and make you come so hard you forget your name," Steve declares, once he apparently feels he's regained her entire attention.

"Promises, promises," Danni pretend-sighs, grinding her hips against Steve's, who at least makes good on one half of the promise, because she's out of her shirt in a flash. She shivers as her back touches the wall again, her push-up bra not really covering all the bases, there.

"Cold?" Steve asks, not really solicitous. Danni rolls her eyes again and drops her legs down, knocking Steve off-kilter and onto the edge of the bed. She shimmies out of her skirt- and she’s wearing white panties and a blue bra, but the way Steve is staring at her, she might as well be wearing the sex underwear. Which, now she worries could blow a fuse or two up there, then.

"Thank god you're easy to get naked," Danni proclaims, straddling his hips and pulling off his t-shirt quickly. She tugs his jeans and boxers down in one swift motion and, and yeah- she can't say she's disappointed, here. Steve just makes this guttural caveman noise that really, really shouldn't be attractive, especially considering the way he like, magicks away her bra and uses some secret government move to flip them.

But then again, she finds it a little hard to complain when Steve leaves this trail of biting, stinging nips down her neck before kissing his way across her breasts.

"Hnng," she mutters lowly, as she feels one hand slip over her stomach, tracing along the lace edging of her panties, the other running up her thigh before running over her slick pussy.

"That's more like it," Steve breathes into her ear, sucking a totally juvenile, probably high school-sized hickey right above where her collar hits.

"Nice, what am I going to do, tell people I ran into a door?" she gripes, although, if she's being honest there's absolutely no heat in her voice. "Everyone already thinks we're in some sort of abusive relationship."

"If I got to give half as good as I get, Danno," Steve croons into her ear and Danni just laughs at him.

"I treat you so good, McGarrett, you don't even know," Danni sings back at him. Steve just shakes his head before slipping two fingers inside her, slick and deep, wearing the world's most shit-eating grin. Danni chokes on some kind of inventive profanity and settles for clutching at Steve's shoulder hard enough to bruise.

"You did say I should try to shut you up," Steve says sweetly, his thumb running in tight little circles under her clit.

"Oh my god, I should have known you were going to be smug about sex," Danni gasps. “You’re smug about everything.” She'd feel bad about this, but it's been a long time since anything that wasn't plastic or her own hand was down there and Steve has really nice and interesting callouses, okay? Steve crooks his fingers sharply and Danni can't help but arch her back and sigh as she clenches tightly around him. He grits his teeth and she can feel where he's hard as a rock against her thigh.

"Now," Danni whispers, pulling Steve close enough to kiss, pushing the pads of her fingers into the soft hair at the nape of his neck, kneading just hard enough that Steve actually freezes for a moment in pure hindbrain pleasure. "Now, imagine how much better that would feel if that was your cock inside me, instead, huh?"

Steve swears for a solid ten seconds as he frantically fishes in his nightstand for a condom. And never let it be said that Danni's not proactive about sex, because she tugs her own soaking wet panties off, flinging them somewhere in the direction of off the bed.

"God, Danni, you make me so fucking unhinged," Steve mutters as he slicks the condom over his dick, and that gives Danni this egotistical little head rush that has her yanking him on top of her and guiding his cock in as fast as she can.

"Seriously, Steve, you have no idea," she says, low and too truthful, and Steve just groans and slams his way into her.

Danni's had her share of sex- she was sort of easy in college and even when the marriage had gone to shit, she and Robert had always had sex to fall back on- but this is some sort of weird, chemical-burn high in her veins and her lungs, like when she'd been on Narcotics for a couple months as a rookie and she'd gotten hotboxed on a stakeout in a flophouse. Danni would like to think it's the satisfaction of finally getting Steve, or doing something so spectacularly inappropriate in so many social and professional ways, but she has this terrible, sinking feeling that it's Steve and that's a horrifying thought.

"Fucking- Danni, if you're thinking right now-" Steve barks at her and Danni just drops her head back where it's sort of half-on, half-off a pillow and shakes her head.

"Won't happen again, I promise, boss," she replies, almost reflexive and Steve makes this oddly endearing whine in the back of his throat and, oh- he likes that.

"You're just such a cliché, Commander," Danni teases, because how much more textbook armed forces can Steve get, getting off on orders in bed, and she wonders if it goes the other way, too. Steve's hips stutter, and when he rubs at her clit, hard enough that Danni's eyes flutter shut and there are fucking sparks, it's like the hottest attempt to change the subject ever.

"Can we save the psychoanalysis for another time?" Steve pants, his breath damp against her collarbone as her palms her breast roughly. Danni tugs Steve's face up to hers, kissing him thoroughly.

"Yes, sir," she returns, faux-demurely and Steve groans into her mouth.

"You're goddamn killing me," he confesses against her cheek. "Seriously, Danno, just be-" Danni waits for the inevitable reprimand- serious, quiet- "you. Just- god, Danni." Her breath catches somewhere deep in her chest and she pulls him close so he can't see that her eyes are bright and shiny.

"Steve, c'mon, please," because she feels like she's on the edge of something important, and it's not just about the sex anymore, or about their weird pigtail-pulling exchange of barbs and unexpected favors, but she wants this and she wants him and she wants to stop thinking so hard about what she ought to do for five seconds.

So it doesn't matter that she makes these really embarrassing whimpers as he fucks her or that he finishes before her with a hoarse shout, pulling out and getting her there fast and dirty with his mouth and fingers, and she nearly knees him in the face when she finally comes. Because after, they sort of lay there in sticky, sweaty abandon and Danni feels calm for the first time since she moved to Hawaii.

"I hope this doesn't make you feel like a hooker, but thank you," Danni says, eventually, grinning when Steve just looks at her like he wishes he was dead.

"I'd say you're welcome, but I haven't been paid yet," Steve drawls back and Danni can't help but laugh and punch Steve in the arm. She doesn't know if he's that type of guy, but she's that type of girl, so she hooks a limp leg over him and promptly falls asleep on top of him.

When Danni wakes up, it's dark and the bed is empty, but she hears Steve and smells pizza, and tucks a small, private smile into the pillow before getting up.