posted by ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
twentysomething at 02:59pm on 30/05/2011 under bandom, fic, fuck everything i hate me, glee rps, ian/chris, p!atd, this is mere's fault
twentysomething at 02:59pm on 30/05/2011 under bandom, fic, fuck everything i hate me, glee rps, ian/chris, p!atd, this is mere's faultTitle: I Constantly Thank God For George Lucas
Fandom: Bandom, P!ATD, Glee RPSFFFFFUUUUUUUU
Pairing: Ian Crawford/Chris Colfer
Summary: ""Check it out, I think you've found a nerd soulmate," Mark whispers loudly, especially for a dude who was home-schooled and likes to bird watch. But Chris obligingly looks across the aisle to the opposing gate and holy crap- there's a Yoda backpack leaning up against the leg of a skinny redhead."
Length: 6000 wordsishkill me
Warnings:
Notes: Did you see the picture above? Yeah. This is all due to the fact that Chris Colfer really does have a Chewbacca backpack and Ian Crawford really does have a Yoda backpack. And it's alsomerelyn's fault, too. HER FAULT.
They're not even supposed to be in the airport. There's a huge storm somewhere or something- all Chris knows is that the plane landed at some hideous time pre-dawn and they're stuck in the terminal until further notice. They're trying to be inconspicuous- which, with someone as tall and only so coordinated as Cory, can be a challenge. Mostly it means a lot of pairs of sunglasses and slumping carefully behind day-old crossword puzzles. Heather keeps "helping" him by filling in slang terms for penises. In pen. Darren is asleep on Chris's shoulder and Chris has the ominous feeling Darren is drooling on him. Eat your heart out, teens of America.
He's not really getting anywhere, even though it's probably only the Monday puzzle, which is embarrassing. Chris is reluctantly impressed by Heather's combination of "Johnson" intersecting with "choad" through the first "o" when he feels a nudge.
"Check it out, I think you've found a nerd soulmate," Mark whispers loudly, especially for a dude who was home-schooled and likes to bird watch. But Chris obligingly looks across the aisle to the opposing gate and holy crap- there's a Yoda backpack leaning up against the leg of a skinny redhead. He's with a couple of other guys in tired hoodies and sunglasses- which, considering it's not sunny and they're indoors, makes Chris wonder if they're undercover, too.
Chris thinks about it for a moment, but still takes a sneaky photo with his iPhone.
Despite the hour, his at-replies are pretty immediate- most of them are along the lines of OH MY GOD YES, but one catches his eye.
oh my god, @chriscolfer is totally at the airport with panic at the disco
Chris blinks.
"Huh," he says, as Heather writes in "BONER" in precise, ink caps.
Some stealthy googling later- thank god for smart phones- Chris is pretty sure that Ian Crawford is the touring guitarist for Panic! At The Disco, the proud owner of a Yoda backpack and, coincidentally, cute as hell.
"No straight man tweets that many pictures of his dog. Go get him, tiger," Heather says, still not looking up from the addition of a "z" to "BONER".
"What, no," Chris mutters, shaking his head. Darren mumbles something indistinct about catfish into his shoulder.
"You could try the indirect route," Mark offers from nowhere, leaning over the back of Chris's seat. "Just walk by him with Chewie. But I mean that walk that Naya taught you."
Chris stares at Mark.
"Naya was showing me how the drunk prostitute outside the lot walks to the In-N-Out," Chris explains. Mark grins.
"That's what I'm sayin', bro." Mark smiles sincerely.
"I hate all of you guys." Chris says.
Chris decides he needs to go to the bathroom, though.
And the last time he left Chewie with them, Ashley and Dianna braided all his fur, so.
Mark nods at him sagely as he walks away and Chris just scowls, reminding himself of all the time it took to get those tiny, tiny, tiny little braids out. He definitely doesn't even notice the gangly guy in the Jackie-O glasses elbow Ian as Chris walks by.
He feels like an idiot, washing his hands in the bathroom. He feels like Chewie is looking at him judgingly, but fuck him, he's a backpack, what does he know.
Chris actually feels stupider walking by again, which he didn't think was possible, really.
"Hey, my friend thinks you and your backpack are cute!" the gangly guy calls across the terminal, raising his giant sunglasses to waggle his eyebrows. Chris is certain his face is bright red, even as he can't seem to stop staring. Ian elbows the guy and after a brief, furious conversation-
Holy shit, walks over.
"Uh, sorry about that," Ian says, rubbing a hand over the short cropped curls behind his pushed-back wayfarers. "Dallon is sort of a dick."
"Ah, no problem," Chris replies, painfully aware of the entire cast staring at them. He thinks Lea is taking cell phone pics.
"I'm Ian," he offers. Chris attempts to smile like a normal human being, and not like a giant freak.
"Chris," he manages.
"You, um, want to go get a coffee? I think the Starbucks just opened." Ian asks, shoving his hands in his pockets.
Before Chris can even open his mouth to respond, Darren is shoving a twenty in his hand and Mark has pushed him out of his seat.
"It's on him," Heather tells Ian sweetly.
"Don't you let him pay for you, Ian Crawford," one of the other guys from Ian's side cheerfully yells. "Be a gentleman!"
"Oh my god," Ian mumbles and by mutual fear of further embarrassment, they hightail it to the Starbucks.
"Sorry, my cast mates are kind of-" Chris starts, as he's waiting for his coffee just as Ian tries to say, "My bandmates are sorta-"
They laugh at each other awkwardly.
"So, you're in a band," Chris says, even though he's a giant creeper and knows Ian is in a band. Ian grins.
"Yeah, I'm a guitarist for Panic! right now," Ian agrees. "Uh, Panic! At The Disco. And you're on TV." Chris smiles.
"I'm one of those damn Glee kids," Chris admits. Ian chokes a little on his coffee.
"I guessed," Ian says, swallowing thickly. Chris can't really read the expression on Ian's face, but the shy smile that creeps across his face after is pretty cripplingly adorable. "There was that thing were you were on the cover of EW." Chris can feel himself flushing bright red.
"Oh," Chris mumbles. "So, you guys are on tour?" It's pretty much the lamest attempt to steer the conversation into waters that are less likely to make Chris feel like an idiot, but Ian just lights up and talks about how happy he is to be on a plane and not a bus. They have more in common than Chris would have guessed- weird things too, like the hole in the wall thai place in LA that Chris is addicted to and a love of George Michaels. Ian loves hearing about Ellen and Chris can't believe they met Dennis Quaid and they both admit they have no idea what they're doing, they can't even rent cars.
Ian poses Chewie and Yoda together like they're drinking the coffee and takes a twitpic of his own. Chris is stupidly charmed.
In short, Chris is having the best first date of his life and it's not even a date.
"I don't want to cockblock you or anything," Lea says earnestly, appearing at their table. "But the weather's cleared enough that they're going to attempt to take off and kill us all so they don't have to refund tickets." Chris can't even form words, he's that mortified.
"Oh, I guess we'll probably be taking off, too," Ian says, thankfully making no mention of cock or blocking. "It was great having coffee with you Chris." Chris smiles weakly.
"You too," Chris replies, because he hasn't met someone he's enjoyed talking to this much since he met Darren and Ian has never put gummy worms in Chris's pants, which Chris cannot say is true of Darren.
"Here," Ian reaches across the table, taking Chris's phone and-- programming his number in. "In case Chewie gets lonely."
Chris mostly blushes goodbye.
Ian stays behind "to get coffee for Spencer, so he doesn't kill Brendon or Dallon," and Lea drags Chris away.
"He seems like a very nice young man," she says thoughtfully, sounding nothing so much like Chris's grandmother. "You should see him again."
"Thank you, Yenta," Chris bites out.
"Your children would have such lovely auburn hair," she muses.
Chris doesn't even know what to say to that.
Before the plane takes off, Chris sends a text to Ian.
chewie misses his little green buddy he sends. He feels oddly gratified when he immediately gets back there is another sky... mall catalog
Chris laughs, despite his better judgment and sense of humor.
Chris's mentions go up as he sees Ian's tweet:
"Hey," Kevin calls from two rows back. "Tumblr thinks you guys should get married."
"You're-" Chris starts, because Jesus. "How do you make the internet worse?" Kevin just grins back at him.
"Can't clog the tubes, man," Kevin chirps. Chord fistbumps him.
Chris wonders if he can kill any of them.
That night, late, after the show, Chris gets a series of texts that he doesn't see until the morning.
i think you're dreamy
can we go steady?
will you give me your letterman jacket
Five minutes after those were all sent in rapid succession, there are two more:
sorry, when they get stoned bden and dallon think its hilarious to steal my phone plz ignore that stuff
awkward huh?
Chris is sort of bemused by the whole thing and doesn't really know what to send back. Mostly because he probably would give Ian his letterman jacket, if he had one. Amber eyeballs him over the egg white omelettes.
"You better send that boy back something nice," she tells him. "I'm not going to let you scare him off. Although, I do still think you should have let Lea set you up with Jon. Now he's dating Spock and you're turning into a band groupie."
"I don't know where to start with that sentence, but I know it ends with "shut up and eat your omelette"," Chris says, even as he types good morning, I received no texts from you last night, what are you talking about?
As Chris is idly fighting Amber for the last of the cantaloupe, his phone buzzes.
first rule of fight club Ian agrees.
After that, it's actually surprisingly easy to be friends with Ian- there's a lot of downtime on tour, interspersed with hours of frantic rehearsing and performing, and it's sort of nice to have someone who he can text at all hours. He gets all sorts of weird pictures- and sends a fair amount in return- as they head in opposite directions across the country.
if we'd known we were going to be friends we could have left surprises for each other! Ian suggests and Chris can't help but laugh, because Ian is ridiculous in the best ways and way too endearing.
wait i'm going to be in cleveland a week before you
SURPRISE
Chris has to take a deep breath and bury his face in a couch pillow so no one hears the embarrassing squeak he makes. "Crush" is a really juvenile word, but it's also painfully accurate.
On the day of Panic!'s Cleveland show, Chris sees this roll up across his twitfeed:
i'm really concerned Chris texts him.
SURPRISE Ian sends back. Chris stares at his phone way too fondly for way too long.
It seems like an extremely long week, but they're covering a lot of ground- Chris goes from Connecticut to Pennsylvania to DC to Canada to Michigan and Ian goes from Illinois back to Ohio to Indiana to Minnesota to Missouri.
Chris is antsy and excited, which are two things he'd honestly never expected to feel about being in Cleveland.
so been in cleveland for fifteen minutes not surprised yet Chris texts Ian as the bus starts pulling into the venue.
wait for it he gets back almost instantly.
"You play a long game," Cory says, peering over Chris's shoulder. "Are you sure you guys aren't dating?"
"Don't you have hockey to be watching or something?" Chris finally comes back with as his biting, witty retort.
Even if he hadn't suspected it would be something ridiculous, the faintly stunned "Whoa," from Harry as he enters the dressing room would have been a dead giveaway.
"Oh my God," Chris breathes out, his hands involuntarily migrating to cover his mouth.
"Your boyfriend is crazy," Mark says, staring intently.
"Crazy awesome," Darren mutters, grinning because Ian has somehow managed to get a gigantic cardboard cutout of Oprah into their dressing room, and there's a huge speech bubble that says "And You Get a Dressing Room, and YOU get a Dressing Room and CHRIS gets a DRESSING ROOM" with strange capitalization and terrible handwriting and Chris might actually be in love.
Kevin runs back out into the hallway.
"Guys, get in here right the hell now," he shouts and Jenna cries she laughs so hard.
They all take pictures with Oprah while Chris texts Ian the only thing he can think.
oh my god
you should have seen dallon carrying her down the street from house of blues Ian texts back and Chris just buries his head in his hands and laughs and laughs.
The attached twitpic is not the first fatuous picture of him with a giant image of Oprah, but it is his favorite.
Kevin sticks her to the back of the wheelchair for Safety Dance and Chris nearly loses his shit.
The only topic on the way to the airport is Chris's return gesture.
"Is it weird if Chris buys him a guitar or something?" Ashley asks, having stolen Harry's iPad to google things. "There's one on eBay that looks totally sick." Chord leans over to check it out.
"What, no, that thing looks straight out of '80s hair metal," he protests. Ashley rolls her eyes.
"Thus the basis of its appeal," she argues back.
"I think you should get him a nerd gift," Mark says. "Like, a lightsaber or something."
Chris actually contemplates that one.
"It has to be something personal," Lea folds her arms over her chest. Jenna frowns.
"Where are they going to be next?" she asks, spinning her hair up into a messy bun.
"Houston, Arizona, then Vegas," Chris says after nowhere near long enough contemplation. There's a very profound silence in the bus.
"Dude, you're dating him," Cory sighs.
"Anyway, thank you all very much," Chris starts, in a- most likely- vain attempt to get the situation back under control. "I'll think of something on my own."
After a lot of sleepless pondering while Darren suggests more and more horrifying displays of affection, Chris has an idea.
He sends a private message to Zack, emails his stylist and tweets.
He goes to sleep with a smile on his face.
The next morning, he has a tweet from Zack that's just @chriscolfer you two crazy kids. which Chris hopes is a yes, an email back, and about 40 tweets.
Kevin emails him a tumblr post with about 500 notes about how it's "the bromance of the century". Most of the reblogs are people crossing out the "b".
Everything is actually taken care of, more or less, by the end of the day. Chris feels unaccountably smug all evening on the 15th and through 16th until Heather is the only person who will hang out with him, because he's "radiating creepy happiness".
"Don't take it personally," Heather advises him. "They're just jealous because they don't have cute cross-country courtships."
Chris does feel a little weird that he's stopped correcting everybody when they talk about Ian like he's Chris's boyfriend. Ian, who has been texting Chris all day along the lines of friends don't keep secrets and dallon keeps cooing at me its freaking me out youre not sending me birds are you is it a clue or something Chris has been sending back maybe :) in return, to every message.
"It sucks that you won't get to bone him until like, July, though," Heather says, probably aiming for manly commiseration, but it just makes Chris choke on and sputter out his Diet Coke.
The worst part about it, is that Chris has had some not dissimilar thoughts to that point, himself.
They're lying around in post-show paralysis after their double-header in Long Island and Chris has done some ridiculous mental math that has him thinking that any time now, one of the many devices he has tracking social media will let him know if he was successful.
oh my god @chriscolfer is super in love with @TheIanCrawford comes across his twitter mentions.
"... well, that probably means it worked," Chris finally says.
It's a good thing he doesn't have a show tomorrow, because he stays up until nearly 2 am waiting for Ian to text him.
OH MY GOD Ian sends. Chris starts seeing the slightly blurry cellphone pics from the floor, looking up at the front row of the balcony where there are fourteen girls spelling out "CHRIS SAYS HI!" (spaces and all- Chris is nothing if not thorough) during "Careless Whisper".
yeah? Chris sends back, smiling a little.
my mom liked it too Ian replies and Chris's heart stops for a moment. He hadn't really put Vegas as their hometown and Ian's family coming to the show together and he feels weirdly shy about it.
Zack tweets a picture of Ian, grinning fit to split his face, with all the girls with the caption they could probably just call each other but at&t is a terrible service provider
Chris stalks the internet for another hour before finally going to sleep, but when he wakes up, there's a link to a youtube video from Brendon- Chris has no idea how Brendon has his email address, but he's stopped putting anything past them after Oprah- it's grainy and probably off a digital camera, popping in the middle the riff of "Careless Whisper".
Ian starts playing, and you can just hear over the guitar the unified scream of "HEY IAN!"- he looks up, startled, and his fingers squawk across the strings as he starts laughing. Brendon is bent over laughing and Dallon is doing a ridiculous dance. Spencer is waving his drumsticks in the air. Ian picks the melody back up, but he leans into the mic to say, "Oh, hey, Chris," and Brendon stops laughing long enough to tell everyone to look in the balcony. The camera shakes and spins and the loud roar of screaming laughter as the crowd sees the shirts is fuzzy and tinny over the laptop speakers.
After the song is over, Brendon says, "For those of you who watch a little show called "Glee"," The crowd volume soars appreciatively. "Our friend, Mr. Ian Crawford, has a special, deep, abiding connection with a guy called "Chris Colfer". Ian surprised him with Oprah Winfrey."
"Cardboard Oprah," Dallon corrects him. Ian is grinning clearly enough to be seen even in the video.
"He's the coolest dude," Ian says, shaking his head. "Thanks, buddy." Brendon waggles his eyebrows at Ian, but launches into the beginning of Nine in the Afternoon and the video ends.
Chris's publicist calls him.
"So, I don't know if you know that Perez Hilton and After Elton are both convinced you're dating Ian Crawford, but I just wanted a statement," Elizabeth says. Chris groans.
"Believe me, we're not dating," Chris sighs.
IAN SAYS HI! buzzes against his ear and Chris instinctively smiles before he remembers he's on the phone having to clarify his relationship status.
Ian's number starts ringing on the other line and Chris lies about having go through a tunnel so he can hang up on Elizabeth.
"Good morning, what time is it there, even?" Chris says. Ian snorts.
"My mom already woke me up to tell me to call you," Ian replies, amused sounding.
"Yeah?" Chris tries, because he's still not sure where to go with that.
"She said I should send flowers, but I tried to tell her you were about to leave the country and I think she thought I was making that up to get out of being properly appreciative of your surprise, which- awesome, thank you again, those girls were super cool." Chris can hear road noise and he wonders if Ian is at some rest stop, somewhere between Vegas and San Diego.
"Well, what guy doesn't want fourteen teenaged girls delivered to him," Chris jokes. "Other than me, obviously." Ian snorts.
"It was cool, but it would have been better if there was just one and a dude named Chris saying hi for himself, obviously," Ian says and Chris's heart skips a beat because it's oblique and indirect and confusing, but he thinks Ian just said he preferred Chris coming himself and- well.
"I should take up being a singing telegram, then," Chris tries. "Better hours, probably better pay- ability to show up in person."
"It's definitely worth investigating," Ian agrees. "In case that whole TV stardom thing doesn't pan out for you, there."
There's an indistinct yell in the background and the scuffling sounds of movement.
"I've gotta run," Ian says and Chris doesn't think he's imagining the reluctance in Ian's voice. "We're getting back on the bus and we had to make a no personal calls in the lounge rule after hour two of listening to Dallon make kissing noises at Breezy."
"Later," Chris says, more easily than he feels. They're spending a day off in New York- mostly for Jenna and Lea- before flying out to England and Chris sort of feels like he's at loose ends. He's getting himself into a truly weird funk when he gets a text:
whatcha doin
Chris sighs at himself, but he sends back going to try to disguise myself and drag someone to the natural history museum with me to look at funny taxidermy
pics or it didn't happen
Chris spends the better part of the day in ludicrous, oversized hipster glasses and a newsboy cap as he and Darren- who has the world's most hideous "NEW YORK CITY" splatter graphic t-shirt on- roam around the museum finding funny things to send to Ian.
"I think this moose is falsely enormous," Darren says, squinting up at it. "Are they really that big?"
Darren is entranced by the hall of north american mammals i don't know if we're going to make it to the dinosaurs Chris texts as Darren takes two steps to the right to look at the moose from a different angle. he's having a napoleon complex with a moose
"They can't be this big," Darren mutters.
Ian texts Chris http://bit.ly/3TV6th dinosaurs wait for no man! Chris automatically clicks on it and his phone starts blaring the Jurassic Park theme at top volume. He tries to close the window but he doesn't manage it before the loud belt of "holy fucking shit, it's a dinosaur, Jesus Christ, what the fuck!"
"Sorry," Chris tries weakly at the glaring au pair with a small herd of children. Darren is actually slapping his knee, he's laughing so hard.
thanks, i think we're about to get kicked out Chris sends back as he drags Darren out toward the small mammals and Northwest Indians.
got you out of the moose room though didn't it
Darren does go up with him to see the dinosaurs immediately after, which Chris is loathe to admit.
youre welcome Ian texts.
Chris does send him a picture of a pteradon in thanks.
He actually does have a really good day, at least until Elizabeth emails him a gossip rag article asking if he's stepping out on Ian with Darren and Chris has to drown his rage in banana pudding at Magnolia Bakery.
Darren, predictably, thinks it's hilarious.
"I've always wanted to be the other woman," he chirps, eating a cupcake as messily as possible.
"You're like a five year old," Chris grouses. Darren waggles his eyebrows.
"Are you into that, baby?" he asks, fake-sultry, batting his eyelashes. Chris rolls his eyes.
gonna kill everyone today he texts Ian.
hide the bodies in the river, i've heard that's popular
Chris snorts, takes another bite of pudding and tries to feel irritated that he feels better.
They fly out to England the next day and the last thing he does before they have to turn off their phones is send Ian a text. The first thing he does when he lands is tweet him.
Chris may have a problem.
Their communication is a little spottier, due to an 8 hour time difference and Chris's inability to text, but he nearly busts a gut laughing when he gets the following tweet:
In the following tweeted picture, the bus is stopped on the highway, because there's a moose (and Dallon) crossing.
He actually should have probably thought out getting Darren involved, because it's like the floodgates open.
Chris tries to smother Darren to death with a pillow.
"It's not my fault you like short, musical guys with curly hair!" Darren argues. "We're irresistible!" Cory has Chris in a sleeper hold he probably learned in the great, dirty, frozen North.
Cory takes him to go get ice cream, which- he would object to the impression that he can be given something sweet to stop his murderous rage, but it's pretty accurate.
"He wouldn't give you this much shit if he didn't really think Ian liked you back," Cory says, trying for wise and knowledgeable, but he got a double scoop of strawberry ice cream in a cone, so it's a difficult look to try to pull off. Chris sullenly pokes at his chocolate with a spoon.
"Yes, he would," Chris mutters. Cory laughs.
"Okay, he probably would, but seriously, Chris." Cory nudges Chris's shoulder companionably. "I think it's past time to make a move."
"What do you know, you dated Taylor Swift," Chris grumbles.
His bad mood is exacerbated by his twitfeed when he gets back to his laptop.
Darren, Chord, Jenna and Ashley have all retweeted it without any explanation whatsoever.
Chris bites his lip when he sees a new tweet from Ian pop up.
He doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Or both and murder Darren Criss.
Elizabeth sends him an email.
"Seriously, Chris, I've gotten no less than twelve requests for comment today, please either make it facebook official- whatever you kids do- or be a little more circumspect? If I have to slap down another article titled "Glee! At The Disco?" I'm going to go postal."
The thing is- Chris is actually not against the idea of asking Ian out, so to speak.
But he's on another continent from Ian until July- which seems like a really, really, really long time, despite it only being a week and a half. So Chris writes Elizabeth an extremely apologetic email asking for about two weeks before she tries to murder him. There are 11 shows between them and the end of tour. Chris can do this.
Chris attempts to keep his correspondence with Ian to email, but he's just sort of... bad at it. His first instinct is to text Ian and since he can't do that, he naturally reverts to twitter.
@TheIanCrawford fish and chips for dinner?
@chriscolfer no go get a curry
@TheIanCrawford are you trying to kill me? this is so spicy! Chris tweets a picture of him and Ashley's empty water glasses and half-eaten dinners.
@chriscolfer thatsa spicy meat-aball
"Oh my god," Ashley says, because she told Chris that if he was going to tweet Ian at dinner, he had to share. "Did he just quote The Mask?"
"To be fair," Chris says slowly. "I think it was a reference to something else, even at the time." Ashley just levels Chris with an extremely long look.
"You have it bad." she tells him.
"Yes, I do," Chris admits, out loud for the first time.
@TheIanCrawford Why.
@chriscolfer everyone loves the mask don't lie to me
"You either have to kill him or marry him. I'm not sure which." Ashley says seriously. Chris just sighs and eats his spicy, spicy dinner.
They spend almost an entire week in London, while Ian does some kind of "weird, reverse Oregon Trail".
They consequently both play Oregon Trail through most of the week.
Ian tweets at about 3 in the morning his time as Chris is enjoying a very late breakfast with Amber and Dianna.
"I think they really need a hobby," Harry says, peering over Chris's shoulder.
"I think that is their hobby," Chris suggests. "They broke a Guitar Hero controller a couple of weeks ago after they started a WWE fight in memoriam for Randy Savage."
They finally leave London and Chris falls in love with Ireland.
Okay, so @alittlelamb says it was a regular horse, but I swear I just saw a unicorn, guys Chris giddily tweets. Headed to the Guinness factory tomorrow for a beer!
@chriscolfer next one's on me Ian tweets and Chris bites his lip and counts down the days until they leave, anyway.
Two days and three shows later, they're about to start their last show on the tour and all Chris can think is that tomorrow they're on a plane back to LA.
LA, where Ian is staying with Brendon, because they're talking about spending July writing music- Chris is hoping it means they'll announce Dallon and Ian officially joining the band, too. That night, Chris packs frantically and finally tweets, once.
Tour's been a blast, but I can't wait to get home.
They have a stop over in JFK and Chris hugs his iPhone.
"Oh, I have missed you," he croons. The first thing he does is send a mass text- well, two person mass text- to his mother and Ian.
Back in the USA- go on, text away
glad to hear it, safe travels honey he gets back less than two minutes later from his mother. Ian's reply takes longer, but it's worth it:
i'm stealing brendon's car and getting you from the airport when does your plane get in
8pm tonight can't wait Chris sends before he can think better of it.
He's absently checking twitter on the plane before they make him turn his phone off again-
Picking up @chriscolfer at the airport! Ian tweets.
It's almost immediately followed by one from Dallon:
Chris's face is bright red, to the point that the stewardess offers him a glass of water. It's the first time in two months that he hasn't been traveling with at least one other cast member, so her gets to annoy a complete stranger as he practically bounces in his seat all the way back to LA. The flight takes forever- Chris can't settle on a song on his iPod, or focus on his "travel" book- which he's hardly touched, anyway. Eventually, the only thing that can calm him down is the inanity of the SkyMall.
Then again, it makes him think of Ian- it's probably a sign that he actually really thinks about getting the lightsaber wiimotes. He steals the catalog to show Ian, anyway. For a couple of hours, it's like they're chasing the sunset- above the clouds and heading west, it seems to last forever, and Chris lets his mind wander. If he's honest with himself, he has no idea what will happen when the plane lands.
Chris knows what he wants to happen, but for all the innuendo, they've never said anything. Everyone but them has made it obvious- made it seem like when, rather than if- but- Ian's still coming to get him, and that has to mean something, probably.
Possibly.
"Urgh," Chris mutters to himself and makes himself listen to Lungs the whole way through and not think about anything but how much he loves Florence Welch. He's graduated to Adele by the time they start coming in for a landing and Chris has still managed to work himself up into a complete mess.
He turns on his phone the second they make the announcement and there are two texts already waiting for him.
waiting in baggage claim like a big creep
the professional drivers are giving me the stink eye
Chris kind of feels like he wants to laugh, cry and throw up. Mostly throw up, though.
taxi-ing to the gate now see you soon he sends.
: ) buzzes in his hand as he grabs his carry on and Chewie. Chris manages not to run through the airport because this isn't Love Actually- someone will probably think he's a terror threat and taze him.
He makes it to the United baggage claims and sitting on the edge of a dormant carousel, Ian is grinning beneath his sunglasses with a sign that says "HI CHRIS". Chris's heart catches in his throat and he stops barely a foot short of Ian, who stands up and is so close and looks so happy that Chris thinks, "screw it" and kisses him.
There's a split second of terrifying stillness as Ian squeaks in surprise, but then he's kissing Chris back, hot and eager and it's the best kiss of Chris's life, jesus christ.
"Um, hi," Chris gasps, when they finally have to break for air. Ian's grin is blinding.
"Hi," Ian whispers. He slips a hand up to push his sunglasses into his hair and Chris has missed him and so he kisses Ian again, since he didn't seem to mind the first time.
"So, I'm glad we're on the same page there," Chris says shakily when they break apart again. Ian's smile shifts into something small and private and for Chris.
"Definitely on the same page," Ian confirms, opening his mouth to say something, but the carousel whirs into life and they spring back.
There are also about five thousand other people all over the place, but Chris can't even bring himself to care.
"I figured if Dallon didn't scare you off," Ian starts and Chris laughs.
"I figured if Darren didn't scare you off," Chris corrects.
"We have our crosses to bear," Ian agrees and Chris can't help it, he kisses Ian a third time and a fourth, until someone clears their throat so they can push past to get their suitcase.
"I guess we should," Ian says, sort of flailing his hand toward the conveyor and they spend about five, long, sheepish minutes waiting for Chris's suitcase to come around, sneaking sideways glances at each other. Chris finally spots it, but they both reach for it and their hands bump- they both miss it and then can't get around to grab it, so they have to wait for it to loop back and Chris can't help but grin like an idiot.
Once they finally get his suitcase, they head out to Brendon's car and there's a sort of pause.
"Brendon doesn't need his car anytime soon, does he?" Chris finds himself asking. Ian's smile is slow and makes Chris's skin tingle.
"I'm planning on letting that be his problem," Ian suggests. Chris smiles back.
"Well, then. You're going to want to head out here and merge on to Sepulveda," Chris says, directing Ian home.
Fandom: Bandom, P!ATD, Glee RPS
Pairing: Ian Crawford/Chris Colfer
Summary: ""Check it out, I think you've found a nerd soulmate," Mark whispers loudly, especially for a dude who was home-schooled and likes to bird watch. But Chris obligingly looks across the aisle to the opposing gate and holy crap- there's a Yoda backpack leaning up against the leg of a skinny redhead."
Length: 6000 wordsish
Warnings:
Notes: Did you see the picture above? Yeah. This is all due to the fact that Chris Colfer really does have a Chewbacca backpack and Ian Crawford really does have a Yoda backpack. And it's also
merelyn's fault, too. HER FAULT.They're not even supposed to be in the airport. There's a huge storm somewhere or something- all Chris knows is that the plane landed at some hideous time pre-dawn and they're stuck in the terminal until further notice. They're trying to be inconspicuous- which, with someone as tall and only so coordinated as Cory, can be a challenge. Mostly it means a lot of pairs of sunglasses and slumping carefully behind day-old crossword puzzles. Heather keeps "helping" him by filling in slang terms for penises. In pen. Darren is asleep on Chris's shoulder and Chris has the ominous feeling Darren is drooling on him. Eat your heart out, teens of America.
He's not really getting anywhere, even though it's probably only the Monday puzzle, which is embarrassing. Chris is reluctantly impressed by Heather's combination of "Johnson" intersecting with "choad" through the first "o" when he feels a nudge.
"Check it out, I think you've found a nerd soulmate," Mark whispers loudly, especially for a dude who was home-schooled and likes to bird watch. But Chris obligingly looks across the aisle to the opposing gate and holy crap- there's a Yoda backpack leaning up against the leg of a skinny redhead. He's with a couple of other guys in tired hoodies and sunglasses- which, considering it's not sunny and they're indoors, makes Chris wonder if they're undercover, too.
Chris thinks about it for a moment, but still takes a sneaky photo with his iPhone.
Despite the hour, his at-replies are pretty immediate- most of them are along the lines of OH MY GOD YES, but one catches his eye.
oh my god, @chriscolfer is totally at the airport with panic at the disco
Chris blinks.
"Huh," he says, as Heather writes in "BONER" in precise, ink caps.
Some stealthy googling later- thank god for smart phones- Chris is pretty sure that Ian Crawford is the touring guitarist for Panic! At The Disco, the proud owner of a Yoda backpack and, coincidentally, cute as hell.
"No straight man tweets that many pictures of his dog. Go get him, tiger," Heather says, still not looking up from the addition of a "z" to "BONER".
"What, no," Chris mutters, shaking his head. Darren mumbles something indistinct about catfish into his shoulder.
"You could try the indirect route," Mark offers from nowhere, leaning over the back of Chris's seat. "Just walk by him with Chewie. But I mean that walk that Naya taught you."
Chris stares at Mark.
"Naya was showing me how the drunk prostitute outside the lot walks to the In-N-Out," Chris explains. Mark grins.
"That's what I'm sayin', bro." Mark smiles sincerely.
"I hate all of you guys." Chris says.
Chris decides he needs to go to the bathroom, though.
And the last time he left Chewie with them, Ashley and Dianna braided all his fur, so.
Mark nods at him sagely as he walks away and Chris just scowls, reminding himself of all the time it took to get those tiny, tiny, tiny little braids out. He definitely doesn't even notice the gangly guy in the Jackie-O glasses elbow Ian as Chris walks by.
He feels like an idiot, washing his hands in the bathroom. He feels like Chewie is looking at him judgingly, but fuck him, he's a backpack, what does he know.
Chris actually feels stupider walking by again, which he didn't think was possible, really.
"Hey, my friend thinks you and your backpack are cute!" the gangly guy calls across the terminal, raising his giant sunglasses to waggle his eyebrows. Chris is certain his face is bright red, even as he can't seem to stop staring. Ian elbows the guy and after a brief, furious conversation-
Holy shit, walks over.
"Uh, sorry about that," Ian says, rubbing a hand over the short cropped curls behind his pushed-back wayfarers. "Dallon is sort of a dick."
"Ah, no problem," Chris replies, painfully aware of the entire cast staring at them. He thinks Lea is taking cell phone pics.
"I'm Ian," he offers. Chris attempts to smile like a normal human being, and not like a giant freak.
"Chris," he manages.
"You, um, want to go get a coffee? I think the Starbucks just opened." Ian asks, shoving his hands in his pockets.
Before Chris can even open his mouth to respond, Darren is shoving a twenty in his hand and Mark has pushed him out of his seat.
"It's on him," Heather tells Ian sweetly.
"Don't you let him pay for you, Ian Crawford," one of the other guys from Ian's side cheerfully yells. "Be a gentleman!"
"Oh my god," Ian mumbles and by mutual fear of further embarrassment, they hightail it to the Starbucks.
"Sorry, my cast mates are kind of-" Chris starts, as he's waiting for his coffee just as Ian tries to say, "My bandmates are sorta-"
They laugh at each other awkwardly.
"So, you're in a band," Chris says, even though he's a giant creeper and knows Ian is in a band. Ian grins.
"Yeah, I'm a guitarist for Panic! right now," Ian agrees. "Uh, Panic! At The Disco. And you're on TV." Chris smiles.
"I'm one of those damn Glee kids," Chris admits. Ian chokes a little on his coffee.
"I guessed," Ian says, swallowing thickly. Chris can't really read the expression on Ian's face, but the shy smile that creeps across his face after is pretty cripplingly adorable. "There was that thing were you were on the cover of EW." Chris can feel himself flushing bright red.
"Oh," Chris mumbles. "So, you guys are on tour?" It's pretty much the lamest attempt to steer the conversation into waters that are less likely to make Chris feel like an idiot, but Ian just lights up and talks about how happy he is to be on a plane and not a bus. They have more in common than Chris would have guessed- weird things too, like the hole in the wall thai place in LA that Chris is addicted to and a love of George Michaels. Ian loves hearing about Ellen and Chris can't believe they met Dennis Quaid and they both admit they have no idea what they're doing, they can't even rent cars.
Ian poses Chewie and Yoda together like they're drinking the coffee and takes a twitpic of his own. Chris is stupidly charmed.
In short, Chris is having the best first date of his life and it's not even a date.
"I don't want to cockblock you or anything," Lea says earnestly, appearing at their table. "But the weather's cleared enough that they're going to attempt to take off and kill us all so they don't have to refund tickets." Chris can't even form words, he's that mortified.
"Oh, I guess we'll probably be taking off, too," Ian says, thankfully making no mention of cock or blocking. "It was great having coffee with you Chris." Chris smiles weakly.
"You too," Chris replies, because he hasn't met someone he's enjoyed talking to this much since he met Darren and Ian has never put gummy worms in Chris's pants, which Chris cannot say is true of Darren.
"Here," Ian reaches across the table, taking Chris's phone and-- programming his number in. "In case Chewie gets lonely."
Chris mostly blushes goodbye.
Ian stays behind "to get coffee for Spencer, so he doesn't kill Brendon or Dallon," and Lea drags Chris away.
"He seems like a very nice young man," she says thoughtfully, sounding nothing so much like Chris's grandmother. "You should see him again."
"Thank you, Yenta," Chris bites out.
"Your children would have such lovely auburn hair," she muses.
Chris doesn't even know what to say to that.
Before the plane takes off, Chris sends a text to Ian.
chewie misses his little green buddy he sends. He feels oddly gratified when he immediately gets back there is another sky... mall catalog
Chris laughs, despite his better judgment and sense of humor.
Chris's mentions go up as he sees Ian's tweet:
"Hey," Kevin calls from two rows back. "Tumblr thinks you guys should get married."
"You're-" Chris starts, because Jesus. "How do you make the internet worse?" Kevin just grins back at him.
"Can't clog the tubes, man," Kevin chirps. Chord fistbumps him.
Chris wonders if he can kill any of them.
That night, late, after the show, Chris gets a series of texts that he doesn't see until the morning.
i think you're dreamy
can we go steady?
will you give me your letterman jacket
Five minutes after those were all sent in rapid succession, there are two more:
sorry, when they get stoned bden and dallon think its hilarious to steal my phone plz ignore that stuff
awkward huh?
Chris is sort of bemused by the whole thing and doesn't really know what to send back. Mostly because he probably would give Ian his letterman jacket, if he had one. Amber eyeballs him over the egg white omelettes.
"You better send that boy back something nice," she tells him. "I'm not going to let you scare him off. Although, I do still think you should have let Lea set you up with Jon. Now he's dating Spock and you're turning into a band groupie."
"I don't know where to start with that sentence, but I know it ends with "shut up and eat your omelette"," Chris says, even as he types good morning, I received no texts from you last night, what are you talking about?
As Chris is idly fighting Amber for the last of the cantaloupe, his phone buzzes.
first rule of fight club Ian agrees.
After that, it's actually surprisingly easy to be friends with Ian- there's a lot of downtime on tour, interspersed with hours of frantic rehearsing and performing, and it's sort of nice to have someone who he can text at all hours. He gets all sorts of weird pictures- and sends a fair amount in return- as they head in opposite directions across the country.
if we'd known we were going to be friends we could have left surprises for each other! Ian suggests and Chris can't help but laugh, because Ian is ridiculous in the best ways and way too endearing.
wait i'm going to be in cleveland a week before you
SURPRISE
Chris has to take a deep breath and bury his face in a couch pillow so no one hears the embarrassing squeak he makes. "Crush" is a really juvenile word, but it's also painfully accurate.
On the day of Panic!'s Cleveland show, Chris sees this roll up across his twitfeed:
i'm really concerned Chris texts him.
SURPRISE Ian sends back. Chris stares at his phone way too fondly for way too long.
It seems like an extremely long week, but they're covering a lot of ground- Chris goes from Connecticut to Pennsylvania to DC to Canada to Michigan and Ian goes from Illinois back to Ohio to Indiana to Minnesota to Missouri.
Chris is antsy and excited, which are two things he'd honestly never expected to feel about being in Cleveland.
so been in cleveland for fifteen minutes not surprised yet Chris texts Ian as the bus starts pulling into the venue.
wait for it he gets back almost instantly.
"You play a long game," Cory says, peering over Chris's shoulder. "Are you sure you guys aren't dating?"
"Don't you have hockey to be watching or something?" Chris finally comes back with as his biting, witty retort.
Even if he hadn't suspected it would be something ridiculous, the faintly stunned "Whoa," from Harry as he enters the dressing room would have been a dead giveaway.
"Oh my God," Chris breathes out, his hands involuntarily migrating to cover his mouth.
"Your boyfriend is crazy," Mark says, staring intently.
"Crazy awesome," Darren mutters, grinning because Ian has somehow managed to get a gigantic cardboard cutout of Oprah into their dressing room, and there's a huge speech bubble that says "And You Get a Dressing Room, and YOU get a Dressing Room and CHRIS gets a DRESSING ROOM" with strange capitalization and terrible handwriting and Chris might actually be in love.
Kevin runs back out into the hallway.
"Guys, get in here right the hell now," he shouts and Jenna cries she laughs so hard.
They all take pictures with Oprah while Chris texts Ian the only thing he can think.
oh my god
you should have seen dallon carrying her down the street from house of blues Ian texts back and Chris just buries his head in his hands and laughs and laughs.
The attached twitpic is not the first fatuous picture of him with a giant image of Oprah, but it is his favorite.
Kevin sticks her to the back of the wheelchair for Safety Dance and Chris nearly loses his shit.
The only topic on the way to the airport is Chris's return gesture.
"Is it weird if Chris buys him a guitar or something?" Ashley asks, having stolen Harry's iPad to google things. "There's one on eBay that looks totally sick." Chord leans over to check it out.
"What, no, that thing looks straight out of '80s hair metal," he protests. Ashley rolls her eyes.
"Thus the basis of its appeal," she argues back.
"I think you should get him a nerd gift," Mark says. "Like, a lightsaber or something."
Chris actually contemplates that one.
"It has to be something personal," Lea folds her arms over her chest. Jenna frowns.
"Where are they going to be next?" she asks, spinning her hair up into a messy bun.
"Houston, Arizona, then Vegas," Chris says after nowhere near long enough contemplation. There's a very profound silence in the bus.
"Dude, you're dating him," Cory sighs.
"Anyway, thank you all very much," Chris starts, in a- most likely- vain attempt to get the situation back under control. "I'll think of something on my own."
After a lot of sleepless pondering while Darren suggests more and more horrifying displays of affection, Chris has an idea.
He sends a private message to Zack, emails his stylist and tweets.
He goes to sleep with a smile on his face.
The next morning, he has a tweet from Zack that's just @chriscolfer you two crazy kids. which Chris hopes is a yes, an email back, and about 40 tweets.
Kevin emails him a tumblr post with about 500 notes about how it's "the bromance of the century". Most of the reblogs are people crossing out the "b".
Everything is actually taken care of, more or less, by the end of the day. Chris feels unaccountably smug all evening on the 15th and through 16th until Heather is the only person who will hang out with him, because he's "radiating creepy happiness".
"Don't take it personally," Heather advises him. "They're just jealous because they don't have cute cross-country courtships."
Chris does feel a little weird that he's stopped correcting everybody when they talk about Ian like he's Chris's boyfriend. Ian, who has been texting Chris all day along the lines of friends don't keep secrets and dallon keeps cooing at me its freaking me out youre not sending me birds are you is it a clue or something Chris has been sending back maybe :) in return, to every message.
"It sucks that you won't get to bone him until like, July, though," Heather says, probably aiming for manly commiseration, but it just makes Chris choke on and sputter out his Diet Coke.
The worst part about it, is that Chris has had some not dissimilar thoughts to that point, himself.
They're lying around in post-show paralysis after their double-header in Long Island and Chris has done some ridiculous mental math that has him thinking that any time now, one of the many devices he has tracking social media will let him know if he was successful.
oh my god @chriscolfer is super in love with @TheIanCrawford comes across his twitter mentions.
"... well, that probably means it worked," Chris finally says.
It's a good thing he doesn't have a show tomorrow, because he stays up until nearly 2 am waiting for Ian to text him.
OH MY GOD Ian sends. Chris starts seeing the slightly blurry cellphone pics from the floor, looking up at the front row of the balcony where there are fourteen girls spelling out "CHRIS SAYS HI!" (spaces and all- Chris is nothing if not thorough) during "Careless Whisper".
yeah? Chris sends back, smiling a little.
my mom liked it too Ian replies and Chris's heart stops for a moment. He hadn't really put Vegas as their hometown and Ian's family coming to the show together and he feels weirdly shy about it.
Zack tweets a picture of Ian, grinning fit to split his face, with all the girls with the caption they could probably just call each other but at&t is a terrible service provider
Chris stalks the internet for another hour before finally going to sleep, but when he wakes up, there's a link to a youtube video from Brendon- Chris has no idea how Brendon has his email address, but he's stopped putting anything past them after Oprah- it's grainy and probably off a digital camera, popping in the middle the riff of "Careless Whisper".
Ian starts playing, and you can just hear over the guitar the unified scream of "HEY IAN!"- he looks up, startled, and his fingers squawk across the strings as he starts laughing. Brendon is bent over laughing and Dallon is doing a ridiculous dance. Spencer is waving his drumsticks in the air. Ian picks the melody back up, but he leans into the mic to say, "Oh, hey, Chris," and Brendon stops laughing long enough to tell everyone to look in the balcony. The camera shakes and spins and the loud roar of screaming laughter as the crowd sees the shirts is fuzzy and tinny over the laptop speakers.
After the song is over, Brendon says, "For those of you who watch a little show called "Glee"," The crowd volume soars appreciatively. "Our friend, Mr. Ian Crawford, has a special, deep, abiding connection with a guy called "Chris Colfer". Ian surprised him with Oprah Winfrey."
"Cardboard Oprah," Dallon corrects him. Ian is grinning clearly enough to be seen even in the video.
"He's the coolest dude," Ian says, shaking his head. "Thanks, buddy." Brendon waggles his eyebrows at Ian, but launches into the beginning of Nine in the Afternoon and the video ends.
Chris's publicist calls him.
"So, I don't know if you know that Perez Hilton and After Elton are both convinced you're dating Ian Crawford, but I just wanted a statement," Elizabeth says. Chris groans.
"Believe me, we're not dating," Chris sighs.
IAN SAYS HI! buzzes against his ear and Chris instinctively smiles before he remembers he's on the phone having to clarify his relationship status.
Ian's number starts ringing on the other line and Chris lies about having go through a tunnel so he can hang up on Elizabeth.
"Good morning, what time is it there, even?" Chris says. Ian snorts.
"My mom already woke me up to tell me to call you," Ian replies, amused sounding.
"Yeah?" Chris tries, because he's still not sure where to go with that.
"She said I should send flowers, but I tried to tell her you were about to leave the country and I think she thought I was making that up to get out of being properly appreciative of your surprise, which- awesome, thank you again, those girls were super cool." Chris can hear road noise and he wonders if Ian is at some rest stop, somewhere between Vegas and San Diego.
"Well, what guy doesn't want fourteen teenaged girls delivered to him," Chris jokes. "Other than me, obviously." Ian snorts.
"It was cool, but it would have been better if there was just one and a dude named Chris saying hi for himself, obviously," Ian says and Chris's heart skips a beat because it's oblique and indirect and confusing, but he thinks Ian just said he preferred Chris coming himself and- well.
"I should take up being a singing telegram, then," Chris tries. "Better hours, probably better pay- ability to show up in person."
"It's definitely worth investigating," Ian agrees. "In case that whole TV stardom thing doesn't pan out for you, there."
There's an indistinct yell in the background and the scuffling sounds of movement.
"I've gotta run," Ian says and Chris doesn't think he's imagining the reluctance in Ian's voice. "We're getting back on the bus and we had to make a no personal calls in the lounge rule after hour two of listening to Dallon make kissing noises at Breezy."
"Later," Chris says, more easily than he feels. They're spending a day off in New York- mostly for Jenna and Lea- before flying out to England and Chris sort of feels like he's at loose ends. He's getting himself into a truly weird funk when he gets a text:
whatcha doin
Chris sighs at himself, but he sends back going to try to disguise myself and drag someone to the natural history museum with me to look at funny taxidermy
pics or it didn't happen
Chris spends the better part of the day in ludicrous, oversized hipster glasses and a newsboy cap as he and Darren- who has the world's most hideous "NEW YORK CITY" splatter graphic t-shirt on- roam around the museum finding funny things to send to Ian.
"I think this moose is falsely enormous," Darren says, squinting up at it. "Are they really that big?"
Darren is entranced by the hall of north american mammals i don't know if we're going to make it to the dinosaurs Chris texts as Darren takes two steps to the right to look at the moose from a different angle. he's having a napoleon complex with a moose
"They can't be this big," Darren mutters.
Ian texts Chris http://bit.ly/3TV6th dinosaurs wait for no man! Chris automatically clicks on it and his phone starts blaring the Jurassic Park theme at top volume. He tries to close the window but he doesn't manage it before the loud belt of "holy fucking shit, it's a dinosaur, Jesus Christ, what the fuck!"
"Sorry," Chris tries weakly at the glaring au pair with a small herd of children. Darren is actually slapping his knee, he's laughing so hard.
thanks, i think we're about to get kicked out Chris sends back as he drags Darren out toward the small mammals and Northwest Indians.
got you out of the moose room though didn't it
Darren does go up with him to see the dinosaurs immediately after, which Chris is loathe to admit.
youre welcome Ian texts.
Chris does send him a picture of a pteradon in thanks.
He actually does have a really good day, at least until Elizabeth emails him a gossip rag article asking if he's stepping out on Ian with Darren and Chris has to drown his rage in banana pudding at Magnolia Bakery.
Darren, predictably, thinks it's hilarious.
"I've always wanted to be the other woman," he chirps, eating a cupcake as messily as possible.
"You're like a five year old," Chris grouses. Darren waggles his eyebrows.
"Are you into that, baby?" he asks, fake-sultry, batting his eyelashes. Chris rolls his eyes.
gonna kill everyone today he texts Ian.
hide the bodies in the river, i've heard that's popular
Chris snorts, takes another bite of pudding and tries to feel irritated that he feels better.
They fly out to England the next day and the last thing he does before they have to turn off their phones is send Ian a text. The first thing he does when he lands is tweet him.
Chris may have a problem.
Their communication is a little spottier, due to an 8 hour time difference and Chris's inability to text, but he nearly busts a gut laughing when he gets the following tweet:
In the following tweeted picture, the bus is stopped on the highway, because there's a moose (and Dallon) crossing.
He actually should have probably thought out getting Darren involved, because it's like the floodgates open.
Chris tries to smother Darren to death with a pillow.
"It's not my fault you like short, musical guys with curly hair!" Darren argues. "We're irresistible!" Cory has Chris in a sleeper hold he probably learned in the great, dirty, frozen North.
Cory takes him to go get ice cream, which- he would object to the impression that he can be given something sweet to stop his murderous rage, but it's pretty accurate.
"He wouldn't give you this much shit if he didn't really think Ian liked you back," Cory says, trying for wise and knowledgeable, but he got a double scoop of strawberry ice cream in a cone, so it's a difficult look to try to pull off. Chris sullenly pokes at his chocolate with a spoon.
"Yes, he would," Chris mutters. Cory laughs.
"Okay, he probably would, but seriously, Chris." Cory nudges Chris's shoulder companionably. "I think it's past time to make a move."
"What do you know, you dated Taylor Swift," Chris grumbles.
His bad mood is exacerbated by his twitfeed when he gets back to his laptop.
Darren, Chord, Jenna and Ashley have all retweeted it without any explanation whatsoever.
Chris bites his lip when he sees a new tweet from Ian pop up.
He doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.
Or both and murder Darren Criss.
Elizabeth sends him an email.
"Seriously, Chris, I've gotten no less than twelve requests for comment today, please either make it facebook official- whatever you kids do- or be a little more circumspect? If I have to slap down another article titled "Glee! At The Disco?" I'm going to go postal."
The thing is- Chris is actually not against the idea of asking Ian out, so to speak.
But he's on another continent from Ian until July- which seems like a really, really, really long time, despite it only being a week and a half. So Chris writes Elizabeth an extremely apologetic email asking for about two weeks before she tries to murder him. There are 11 shows between them and the end of tour. Chris can do this.
Chris attempts to keep his correspondence with Ian to email, but he's just sort of... bad at it. His first instinct is to text Ian and since he can't do that, he naturally reverts to twitter.
@TheIanCrawford fish and chips for dinner?
@chriscolfer no go get a curry
@TheIanCrawford are you trying to kill me? this is so spicy! Chris tweets a picture of him and Ashley's empty water glasses and half-eaten dinners.
@chriscolfer thatsa spicy meat-aball
"Oh my god," Ashley says, because she told Chris that if he was going to tweet Ian at dinner, he had to share. "Did he just quote The Mask?"
"To be fair," Chris says slowly. "I think it was a reference to something else, even at the time." Ashley just levels Chris with an extremely long look.
"You have it bad." she tells him.
"Yes, I do," Chris admits, out loud for the first time.
@TheIanCrawford Why.
@chriscolfer everyone loves the mask don't lie to me
"You either have to kill him or marry him. I'm not sure which." Ashley says seriously. Chris just sighs and eats his spicy, spicy dinner.
They spend almost an entire week in London, while Ian does some kind of "weird, reverse Oregon Trail".
They consequently both play Oregon Trail through most of the week.
Ian tweets at about 3 in the morning his time as Chris is enjoying a very late breakfast with Amber and Dianna.
"I think they really need a hobby," Harry says, peering over Chris's shoulder.
"I think that is their hobby," Chris suggests. "They broke a Guitar Hero controller a couple of weeks ago after they started a WWE fight in memoriam for Randy Savage."
They finally leave London and Chris falls in love with Ireland.
Okay, so @alittlelamb says it was a regular horse, but I swear I just saw a unicorn, guys Chris giddily tweets. Headed to the Guinness factory tomorrow for a beer!
@chriscolfer next one's on me Ian tweets and Chris bites his lip and counts down the days until they leave, anyway.
Two days and three shows later, they're about to start their last show on the tour and all Chris can think is that tomorrow they're on a plane back to LA.
LA, where Ian is staying with Brendon, because they're talking about spending July writing music- Chris is hoping it means they'll announce Dallon and Ian officially joining the band, too. That night, Chris packs frantically and finally tweets, once.
Tour's been a blast, but I can't wait to get home.
They have a stop over in JFK and Chris hugs his iPhone.
"Oh, I have missed you," he croons. The first thing he does is send a mass text- well, two person mass text- to his mother and Ian.
Back in the USA- go on, text away
glad to hear it, safe travels honey he gets back less than two minutes later from his mother. Ian's reply takes longer, but it's worth it:
i'm stealing brendon's car and getting you from the airport when does your plane get in
8pm tonight can't wait Chris sends before he can think better of it.
He's absently checking twitter on the plane before they make him turn his phone off again-
Picking up @chriscolfer at the airport! Ian tweets.
It's almost immediately followed by one from Dallon:
Chris's face is bright red, to the point that the stewardess offers him a glass of water. It's the first time in two months that he hasn't been traveling with at least one other cast member, so her gets to annoy a complete stranger as he practically bounces in his seat all the way back to LA. The flight takes forever- Chris can't settle on a song on his iPod, or focus on his "travel" book- which he's hardly touched, anyway. Eventually, the only thing that can calm him down is the inanity of the SkyMall.
Then again, it makes him think of Ian- it's probably a sign that he actually really thinks about getting the lightsaber wiimotes. He steals the catalog to show Ian, anyway. For a couple of hours, it's like they're chasing the sunset- above the clouds and heading west, it seems to last forever, and Chris lets his mind wander. If he's honest with himself, he has no idea what will happen when the plane lands.
Chris knows what he wants to happen, but for all the innuendo, they've never said anything. Everyone but them has made it obvious- made it seem like when, rather than if- but- Ian's still coming to get him, and that has to mean something, probably.
Possibly.
"Urgh," Chris mutters to himself and makes himself listen to Lungs the whole way through and not think about anything but how much he loves Florence Welch. He's graduated to Adele by the time they start coming in for a landing and Chris has still managed to work himself up into a complete mess.
He turns on his phone the second they make the announcement and there are two texts already waiting for him.
waiting in baggage claim like a big creep
the professional drivers are giving me the stink eye
Chris kind of feels like he wants to laugh, cry and throw up. Mostly throw up, though.
taxi-ing to the gate now see you soon he sends.
: ) buzzes in his hand as he grabs his carry on and Chewie. Chris manages not to run through the airport because this isn't Love Actually- someone will probably think he's a terror threat and taze him.
He makes it to the United baggage claims and sitting on the edge of a dormant carousel, Ian is grinning beneath his sunglasses with a sign that says "HI CHRIS". Chris's heart catches in his throat and he stops barely a foot short of Ian, who stands up and is so close and looks so happy that Chris thinks, "screw it" and kisses him.
There's a split second of terrifying stillness as Ian squeaks in surprise, but then he's kissing Chris back, hot and eager and it's the best kiss of Chris's life, jesus christ.
"Um, hi," Chris gasps, when they finally have to break for air. Ian's grin is blinding.
"Hi," Ian whispers. He slips a hand up to push his sunglasses into his hair and Chris has missed him and so he kisses Ian again, since he didn't seem to mind the first time.
"So, I'm glad we're on the same page there," Chris says shakily when they break apart again. Ian's smile shifts into something small and private and for Chris.
"Definitely on the same page," Ian confirms, opening his mouth to say something, but the carousel whirs into life and they spring back.
There are also about five thousand other people all over the place, but Chris can't even bring himself to care.
"I figured if Dallon didn't scare you off," Ian starts and Chris laughs.
"I figured if Darren didn't scare you off," Chris corrects.
"We have our crosses to bear," Ian agrees and Chris can't help it, he kisses Ian a third time and a fourth, until someone clears their throat so they can push past to get their suitcase.
"I guess we should," Ian says, sort of flailing his hand toward the conveyor and they spend about five, long, sheepish minutes waiting for Chris's suitcase to come around, sneaking sideways glances at each other. Chris finally spots it, but they both reach for it and their hands bump- they both miss it and then can't get around to grab it, so they have to wait for it to loop back and Chris can't help but grin like an idiot.
Once they finally get his suitcase, they head out to Brendon's car and there's a sort of pause.
"Brendon doesn't need his car anytime soon, does he?" Chris finds himself asking. Ian's smile is slow and makes Chris's skin tingle.
"I'm planning on letting that be his problem," Ian suggests. Chris smiles back.
"Well, then. You're going to want to head out here and merge on to Sepulveda," Chris says, directing Ian home.
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