twentysomething: (cute cute monstrously cute)
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Title: Can't Tell You What I Learned; I Could Tell You A Story or Two

Fandom: Glee

Pairing: Kurt/Blaine

Summary: "The whole thing would be a lot more unbearable if his TA wasn't absolutely gorgeous.

As it is, Professor Schuester and his collection of extremely ill-advised vests pontificate earnestly about Gregorian chants and Kurt watches Blaine out of the corner of his eye."

Length: 2200 wordsish.

Warnings: COLLEGE AU YEAH WHAT AM I EVEN WRITING ANY MORE

Notes: So, I was trawling delicious, looking for fic, because I live bad, and I thought I saw one where Kurt was a student and Blaine was a professor and I was like "wtf" but I clicked so fast my finger hurt. It was, in fact, not that at all, but then I was like "oh, what action am I viciously weak to?" and then I wrote a fic where Kurt is in college and Blaine is his TA and yeah, I did that. (And yes, astute observer, that title is from Asher Roth's "I Love College".)




Kurt's majoring in Fashion Merchandising, but he's minoring in Music, because once he gets the stupid theory classes out of the way, it's a bunch of performance As from Professor Holliday. That being said, he's taking the stupid theory classes now, so it's cold comfort.

He's tested out of basic theory- thank you, AP exam and Mom's insistence on piano lessons- but he's stuck in History of Western Music Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, for three and a half hours every week.

The whole thing would be a lot more unbearable if his TA wasn't absolutely gorgeous.

As it is, Professor Schuester and his collection of extremely ill-advised vests pontificate earnestly about Gregorian chants and Kurt watches Blaine out of the corner of his eye.

On the first day, Professor Schuester- who had cheerfully told them they could call him "Schu" and three girls in the front row had called their mothers and told them to book the temple for March, because they'd found the one- had breezily introduced Blaine as "that guy you can email about the influence of Palestrina in Bach's work- not that you can't email me!"

Blaine is something of an enigma. He dresses like a repressed business major who is just waiting to graduate so he can take the job he already has lined up at Goldman Sachs, but there's something in the confident tilt of his head- the big-man-on-campus smile that somehow manages to make Kurt's knees feel like dining hall jello, rather than repulsed- that intrigues Kurt. Through some judicious Facebook stalking (seriously, who still has an open profile these days? Kurt's unnerved.) he finds out that Blaine is in one of the plethora of a cappella groups on campus- the preppy one, not the douchey-frat one.

That being said, Blaine- despite wondrously, amazingly having "Interested in: Men" on his profile- is a junior and you know, his TA, so Kurt puts him away in a folder of "lovely to look at but never gonna happen", along with Gaspard Ulliel and Matt Bomer.

Or at least until he's at the campus hole in the wall coffee shop, treating himself to a non-fat soy latte because he didn't choke out the obnoxious girl in his Musical Theater class who thinks she's the one one who can do Barbra, and Blaine appears at his elbow.

"Hey, you're in Professor S's history class, right? I'm your TA, Blaine," he greets, pausing to order a medium drip, and seriously, who is this guy.

"Kurt. Hummel." Kurt adds belatedly, congratulating himself on his starring role in "Tongue-Tied Around Hot Guys: A One Man Failure".

"Well, Kurt Hummel," Blaine says cheerfully, adding an obscene amount of Splenda to his coffee, "See you in class." He waggles his rather astounding, if impeccably groomed, eyebrows and waltzes back out of the coffee shop, leaving Kurt with a rapidly cooling latte and a case of the pitter-patters.

Which is ridiculous, because while Blaine seems to be preternaturally polite and thoughtful and painfully charming, that means nothing in the grand scheme of Kurt should be looking anywhere but there.

But when he gets to class on Wednesday, Blaine glances up and grins at him, with a casual "Hey there, Kurt" and Kurt wonders if this is what Mercedes was talking about when she complains about 'damn fools'. He spends ninety percent of class wondering if Blaine is a hallucination, like Paul Bettany, only more delicious, before realizing he got absolutely nothing of the wild scribbles on the board, which look like "Benedictine" and "liturgical dramas" and something in the corner that looks like "sick awesome".

"I realize this is brand new to a lot of you, so don't hesitate to ask! And Blaine has to earn his credit somehow, don't forget to use him!" Professor Schuester says and Kurt sort of wants to groan, because the idea of "using Blaine" has been the whole reason Kurt missed the lecture in the first place. Schue is scrawling something else in his disastrous handwriting- "banderson@gmail.com", between "polyphony" and "this is dope".

And because Kurt has a sickness, he finds himself checking his bangs subtly before catching Blaine's elbow on the way out the door.

"I'm more than a little lost," Kurt tries, but he's sort of stuck on the follow-through, because "date me" sounds desperate and bizarrely unsolicited and "can you give me a hand" sounds like the start to a bad porno at an all-boys school.

"Aw, Hummel," Blaine coos, and really, that shouldn't be attractive. "Since I know you drink coffee, what do you say, the Grind? Study date, 4pm tomorrow?" Kurt nods through his sudden asphyxiation.

"See you there," Blaine calls, even as he darts toward the practice rooms, and Kurt needs to skype Mercedes now.

"You're a damn fool," Mercedes says, but it sounds like "I miss you" and Kurt pauses with one hand on the Brian Reyes and the other on the Comme des Garcons.

"I'm thinking about this way too hard, aren't I," Kurt breathes out a loose sigh. Mercedes smiles and shrugs.

"No reason not to look your best," she finally advises, which her is vague blessing and the story of Kurt's entire dating history. "Also, definitely not the cardigan, I don't care how gay his Facebook tells you he is."

What legitimately does begin as a study session devolves into a discussion of music, which breaks into musical theater, which feeds into costume, then fashion and Kurt's worried he might actually be in love.

"I wonder if Anna Wintour has ever considered adopting apprentices, like in the Sith manner," Blaine says and Kurt doesn't care that that was maybe the weirdest, dorkiest sentence he's ever heard, he wants to put his mouth on Blaine's mouth.

"I would slap babies for that, I don't care," Kurt replies, too breathy by half, and, sadly, truthfully. "Like, actual human babies." Blaine blinks at Kurt for a second, and he's wondering if he's he crossed some weird boundary when Blaine completely falls apart laughing and it's actually just a little painful how good it looks and sounds.

They fall into this strange friendship- Blaine friends Kurt on Facebook, and leaves him links to Fashion Week articles, Kurt shyly slips Blaine mix cds- all of which is awkwardly tempered with the fact that Blaine is still Kurt's TA. They sit on different sides of the class, carefully cool during lectures- although one time Blaine actually texts him in class with a :C and Prof S is wearing THE VEST again that makes me sad and Kurt has to go to the bathroom to laugh.

But outside of class they're sort of cavalierly turning into best friends- despite the fact that Kurt's completely dazed by how much he's totally, insanely crushing on Blaine, which is a secret Kurt is sure is both painfully obvious and better kept than defense secrets, all at the same time. Mike, Kurt's roommate, who Kurt likes because he's quiet and neat (for a guy) and doesn't care that Kurt blasts Gaga while studying, pokes his head in the door while Kurt is staring at his cuticles and wondering how he got here.

"Hey, Tina and I are going to ASO, we'll be out for a while- but would you, uh, mind not being here from like, 8 to 11, though?" Mike asks hesitantly, and Kurt's still enough of a guy to roll his eyes but nod.

"Have fun," Kurt finally decides on, and Mike grins.

"Thanks, bro," Mike says, shooting Kurt some fingerguns and Kurt can't even be mad. Mike's way too cute to cockblock.

However, it does mean that eventually Kurt has to ditch his room and even though Mike said 11, Kurt doesn't even want to contemplate coming back until midnight, and the library isn't open that late.

This is an utterly bad idea.

what are you up to tonight? he texts Blaine. He tries not to be antsy while waiting for a response, which is easier said than done, since he's about two seconds from shaking his iPhone like a magic-8-ball for a reply.

I SHOULD be working on this french literature paper, but I could certainly be convinced to change that. what about you? Blaine sends back less than a minute later.

my roommate has politely requested that the room be free when he gets back from his date, so. Kurt sends it, not really knowing what he's expecting back, or if he should have elaborated.

say no more! come on over, bring homework if you've got it so we can ignore it to watch singing in the rain

Ugh, if he hadn't been in love before, he would be now.

When he knocks on Blaine's door- he already feels weirdly conspicuous, too much of a freshman in an upperclassman dorm- Blaine greets him with, "I already ordered the pizza, you have to help me eat it, I swear, you're saving me from myself."

Kurt just laughs, but from a distance Blaine is abstract perfection and up close he's a constellation of really terrible and endearing personality quirks that are so much better and so much more damning for Kurt.

They're sitting on Blaine's bed, which is used more or less like a couch when there are lots of people in the room, and their backs are against the wall, feet dangling over the edge, casually knocking into each other. There's really no excuse for them to be so close- they're practically pressed side to side, but Blaine had put the pizza box across their laps, which had been a welcome distraction. No one is attractive while eating pizza, after all. However, Blaine is still very warm and very close, and when he pauses the movie with a sheepish "pee break!" and heads out for the hall bathroom, Kurt breathes in for the first time in what feels like hours, even though Don is still just trying to track down Kathy.

"Okay, I'm not here to kidnap you or anything," this guy says, darting in the door. "I'm David, I'm in Blaine's a cappella group. Wes is stalling him. We just wanted to say that if you're not interested, you've got to quit leading him on, he's insufferable."

Kurt is absolutely speechless.

"What?" he finally manages after a couple of seconds. David rolls his eyes.

"Blaine is totally, totally hideously gone over you. I don't know if you've realized this isn't normal TA/student behavior, but all of this," David says quickly, gesturing to the pizza, the movie, the probably inappropriately low lighting. "Is like the world's slowest, saddest seduction."

Kurt is still incapable of forming coherent sentences or thoughts.

"I have to go, because if he realizes we said something, he'll make us sing Firework," David continues, already halfway out the door. "Do it for us, Hummel!"

Blaine is back maybe a minute later and Kurt still feels like his brain is offline.

"Hey, sorry, ran into Wes in the hallway. He wanted to talk about some songs-" Blaine pauses, staring at Kurt. "Are you okay?" Kurt forces himself to smile.

"Yeah, totally. No problem," Kurt says and when Blaine snuggles back into his previous position, even though there's only one sad slice of margherita left, Kurt abruptly wonders- what if Crazy David is right?

He looks back over the previous 3/4ths of the semester- the coffee dates, the shopping trips, the vaguely helpful while not morally ambiguous midterm study date- and holy crap- it's a cloud-parting, perfect-shaft-of-light, hallelujah-chorus epiphany:

Crazy David is right.

Kurt believes in acting while you're still high enough on conviction to think it's a good idea, so he grabs the remote, pauses the movie on a really unflattering freeze-frame of Gene Kelly, and tosses the pizza box on to the floor- carefully.

"Kurt?" Blaine says, confused and so totally sweet and dumb.

"I like you, and your friends are insane and broke in here while you were in the bathroom and told me you like me, and if you do, I'd like to hear it from you- and if you don't, well, this will be awkward," Kurt says in one almost-indecipherable run.

Blaine looks like someone's smacked him across the face with a 2x4.

"And I don't care that you're a junior and my TA, I would drop the class," Kurt can't seem to stop himself, and that sentence is only made worse by how completely true it is.

"I don't even grade your papers," Blaine says finally and that doesn't make any sense, unless- "I don't, Professor S know I'd just give you all As, so it, uh-" Blaine breaks off and shakes himself a little and Kurt is holding his breath.

"I mean, god, Kurt, you'd- yes," Blaine babbles. "I didn't even say- yes, yes, of course I like you, oh," It'd be ridiculous except Blaine is leaning in close and then they're kissing, Kurt is kissing Blaine and it's so much better than anything else, maybe ever.

"Wait, what do you mean "my friends broke in here-"" Blaine asks, when they finally come up for air, breaking off suddenly. "Wes. Oh my god, I'll kill them." Blaine buries his face in his hands.

"Or," Kurt sing-songs, elated and too-confident by half, "You could keep kissing me."



Kurt doesn't get back to his room until 2 am. When Mike notices the dark purple hickeys peeking out from behind Kurt's collar, they solemnly exchange high-fives.

There are 54 comments over 2 pages. (Reply.)
1 2
waketosleep: signboard saying 'I have seen the truth and it doesn't make sense' (Default)
posted by [personal profile] waketosleep at 01:42am on 12/02/2011
Uh between Darth Wintour and Kurt and Mike high-fiving like bros at the end, I am just doodling hearts around your name in in the Trapper-Keeper of my soul right now.
waketosleep: signboard saying 'I have seen the truth and it doesn't make sense' (Default)
posted by [personal profile] waketosleep at 01:47am on 12/02/2011
waketosleep: I want like, college-era shenanigans of Kurt and Mike brofisting over getting laid and grooving out to Gaga together
waketosleep: just, for the rest of my life
waketosleep: mike teaches kurt how to dance for some production
waketosleep: etc
leupagus: It would be glorious


...Just saying.
flyingcarpet: Girl with Hair Ribbon, popart (Kurt and Blaine)
posted by [personal profile] flyingcarpet at 02:02am on 12/02/2011
This was just utter perfection. Schue's vests, Blaine's awkward little pickup in the coffee shop, Darth Wintour, David and Wes matchmaking, roomie Mike -- all fantastic. And I absolutely laughed out loud (on the Metro!) when I read "And I don't care that you're a junior and my TA, I would drop the class," :D :D
twentysomething: (cute cute monstrously cute)
posted by [personal profile] twentysomething at 02:17am on 12/02/2011
Thanks! Darth Wintour is like, my new lord high god, so.

Dude, I would seriously drop all the classes for that guy. JFC.

(Also, dig the icon!)
jeKrfflRDmmdsZ(anonymous)
sorrel: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] sorrel at 04:08am on 12/02/2011
I loved every single thing about this story, but the solemn high-five at the end is the most perfect because I can genuinely see them doing that and it's awesome. The "slowest, saddest seduction ever" was a close second, though.
twentysomething: (cute cute monstrously cute)
posted by [personal profile] twentysomething at 04:20am on 12/02/2011
It is the serious acknowledgment of one man to another- "You got play, and for that I respect you."

I have a feeling that Blaine's courtly manners are secretly a complete lack on knowledge as to how humans actually function. As previously suggested, I think Blaine watches TCM and takes notes.
eponymousanon: Rainbow City (Default)
posted by [personal profile] eponymousanon at 06:10am on 12/02/2011
So, I'm pretty sure that my squeals of joy were audible only to dogs. Darth Wintour! Fingerguns and high-fives!! This is like, the Red Bull of fluffy little fics (it leaves me super excited and wanting MORE).
eponymousanon: Rainbow City (Default)
posted by [personal profile] eponymousanon at 06:11am on 12/02/2011
also... I'd JUST gotten the chorus of Firework out of my head where Glee had left it, and now I'm earwormed again. *shakes fist*
silvainshadows: I am terrible at interacting with other people.   Sorry. (Default)
posted by [personal profile] silvainshadows at 01:18pm on 12/02/2011
Awesome and adorable and awesome and I am flailing like a flaily thing, that is how much I love this.
twentysomething: (cute cute monstrously cute)
posted by [personal profile] twentysomething at 07:06pm on 12/02/2011
Aw, thank you! Glad you liked it!
not_sally: Made for me! (Default)
posted by [personal profile] not_sally at 04:02pm on 12/02/2011
The whole world is filled with unicorns and rainbows. UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS I TELL YOU.
Ugh, this is so seriously awesome and ridiculously endearing just like they are!! Even the little shout outs (Rachel, the Warblers, MIKE!!!) were perfect.
Can I live in this universe forever and ever?
twentysomething: (cute cute monstrously cute)
posted by [personal profile] twentysomething at 07:07pm on 12/02/2011
RIGHT? LIKE, GIRD YOUR LOINS MEN, WE ARE VENTURING INTO THE SUGAR CAVE

I would get you a condo and a green card, like Vocal Adrenaline did for Charice, I would.
swing_set13: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] swing_set13 at 04:16pm on 12/02/2011
Mike is way too adorable to stay mad at. You wrote more Glee fics! \0/
twentysomething: (cute cute monstrously cute)
posted by [personal profile] twentysomething at 07:08pm on 12/02/2011
I did! \o/ PAUL GROSS ARMS!
jujuberry136: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] jujuberry136 at 09:04pm on 12/02/2011
Oh this is GLORIOUS! I love the solemn high-fives between Mike and Kurt, Wes and David are still crazy and awesome, Mercedes being sweet, the reference to Rachel, and Blaine being too much of a softy to grade papers.

So when is Blaine going to realize Kurt can sing and is rooming with an amazing dancer? Because I can't see him letting that go once he finds out...
lilyleia78: Close up of one topless man pulling down pants of another man (Boylove)
posted by [personal profile] lilyleia78 at 03:13am on 13/02/2011
This! I need more things just like this in my life. ::snuggles fic happily::
 
posted by (anonymous) at 04:02pm on 13/02/2011
This is so wonderful. There aren't really words.
grammarwoman: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] grammarwoman at 10:37pm on 13/02/2011
This really puts the glee in Glee - so much joyful fun!
 
posted by [identity profile] bergann.livejournal.com at 11:59pm on 13/02/2011
oh my god so adorable and perfect. ♥____♥

Every Blaine/Kurt fic you write has me making victory arms to myself, they're all just so glorious.
puckling: (Pretty Back)
posted by [personal profile] puckling at 02:48am on 14/02/2011
"I wonder if Anna Wintour has ever considered adopting apprentices, like in the Sith manner,"

BWHWSHASHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHHA. WIN.
 
posted by (anonymous) at 05:05pm on 04/03/2011
Having just reced No Regrets, I thought I'd come here and rec this too. There are no words for how much I love your writing and your Klaine. Always such sweet funny spot-on interaction. Please please please keep writing in this fandom because your fics make my day!
 
posted by (anonymous) at 11:49pm on 04/03/2011
Oh and I don't suppose you could be sweet-talked into writing a blaine pov companion piece? Would love love love to read his take on meeting and falling for Kurt. (It never hurts to dream ; )
(no subject)(anonymous)
fqXtMnBBouksWBzdlyJ(anonymous)
 
posted by (anonymous) at 04:49am on 05/03/2011
"Kurt. Hummel." Kurt adds belatedly, congratulating himself on his starring role in "Tongue-Tied Around Hot Guys: A One Man Failure".

Line that made my life. Awesome.
midasu: (Kradam Madness)
posted by [personal profile] midasu at 10:45am on 05/03/2011
Glorious.
 
posted by [identity profile] prologi.livejournal.com at 05:55pm on 06/03/2011
This is so brilliant. I loved Anna Wintour as a Sith lord, and Mike being a huge adorable dork. Mr Schu trying to be all down with the kids made me literally laugh so hard I cried.
 
posted by [identity profile] pastpretense.livejournal.com at 09:19pm on 06/03/2011
This was delightful and had me grinning the whole time! I absolutely loved the way you worked the different characters into the AU.
 
posted by (anonymous) at 08:58pm on 08/03/2011
This is jacklemmon over at livejournal, I forgot my dreamwidth password, and can't be bothered to go about getting it. And my username over here is bonstrosity anyway. Um.

HAD TO COMMENT. IMMEDIATELY.

BECAUSE THIS STORY IS PERFECTION. AND I NEED TO STEAL THIS PHRASE: desperate and bizarrely unsolicited. LIKE, NOW. BECAUSE IT IS ONE OF THE BEST PHRASES EVER OF ANYTHING.

the probably inappropriately low lighting
loooooool

"sick awesome"
bwhahahahhaha

congratulating himself on his starring role in "Tongue-Tied Around Hot Guys: A One Man Failure"
I love you so much.

Seriously, this story roxors. <3
 
posted by (anonymous) at 02:45am on 13/03/2011
Okay, I've been lurking around for about four months now, and because my inner dork has reached critical mass, am now commenting. First off, I love your stuff, pretty much all of it, and its on the list of stuff I read when work is crap and my assignments are crappier. Like, really, its MOOD-ALTERING man!

Anyway, I'm so in love with this fic right now; I love the college AUness of it, and Kurt being roommates with Mike (who has understated dancer bamfness)and that Kurt notices Blaine's eyebrows which I find at once endearing and faintly alarming.

In the spirit of AUs and Klaine and because I have no self control I'm going to politely leave you a prompt (because, seriously, you're the only person I can think of who could potetially pull this off and make it awesome):

Breakfast At Tiffanys. Kurt is Holly Golightly. Blaine is the dapper writer upstairs. There's angst and drama and Kurt gazing through Tiffany's front window at six in the morning eating a danish and wearing tortoiseshell shades. IDEK.
 
posted by [identity profile] electrictoes.livejournal.com at 08:01pm on 16/03/2011
I think I'm actually in love with this. Just saying.
deerang2002: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] deerang2002 at 05:52pm on 18/03/2011
You own my heart and soul...if you want anything a bit more concrete, you'd have to ask, but I'd try my best to give it to you. Absolutely loved this!
retrofit: Amazonian hunter (Default)
posted by [personal profile] retrofit at 02:11am on 25/03/2011
Following [personal profile] jerakeen's rec. Really enjoyed the whole story, but surprisingly, liked the Mike/Kurt roommate interactions the most!
trifles: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] trifles at 02:05am on 29/03/2011
THIS IS THE BEST, I CANNOT EVEN.
luckyn02: (Default)
posted by [personal profile] luckyn02 at 11:57am on 05/04/2011
So much to love about this fic, so much! lovely, gorgeous writing. :) pleaseeeeee say you'll be doing more pieces in this 'verse? *puppy eyes*

/via b_d comm over at lj. ♥
There are 54 comments over 2 pages. (Reply.)
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